I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
