I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize