I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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