theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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