He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
