I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
