Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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