she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
