My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Houston, we have a blender
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
