She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
