yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
