it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
