The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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