No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
