hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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