I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize