Your face is a jimmy john
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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