I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
