Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
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I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
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i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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