You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
