I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
