4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
