Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
