it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
