He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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