I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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