I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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