In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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