I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
