once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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