i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
