Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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