I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
