Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
