So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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