How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
