he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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