Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
