do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
