When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
