I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
