i just wanna soil my oats bro
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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