All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
