i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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