I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
