Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
