i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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