she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
