So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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