there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
