I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
