We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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