Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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