One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Alive.
So much puke
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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