I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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