is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
