he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
