giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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