my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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