I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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